Serendipity

Crazy right? For years, I’ve prided my life’s work on owning businesses and working independently. It was always the thrill of these ventures that kept me alive. It was a drug and I was constantly high. I got to work with amazing and talented individuals who drove me with their ambitions the way I did for them. To be able to create and see the finishing product become a reality is a feeling you can’t ever truly replace. When my wife’s baby sister was born, I was there for her. I watched her grow, created moments to cherish and love because of the opportunity I opened for myself. I had the power of time within my hands. It was such an immense power to obtain in my early to mid 20’s.

You’re probably asking “If it was that amazing, why did you give it up for a blue collar job?”

What no one tells you is you’re on your own. What others also don’t understand is, they don’t know you’re on your own. This was new terrain for me, a job that wasn’t traditional in any means, let alone the independent route in an already untraditional job.

I worked a full time job at McDonald’s to support my dreams, and while chasing those dreams, a lot of the work I did during that time was free to build the necessary skill sets and network before I was able to properly support myself.

It was the struggle of my dreams that people dismissed. People see what they see and ignore what they don’t know. I was young so all that did was fuel a drive to prove everyone wrong. I became obsessed. Obsessed with being better than I was the day before. It was almost a blood lust at this point.

No villain starts off bad, they just have a story that no one was listening to. I don’t remember where I heard this but it hit different for me. I became a cold hearted cynical human the deeper I got into my career. I hurt people and people hurt me. Business was ruthless, I took that the hardest. Everything I had learned about being a good human in life was tossed out the window the moment I got into business because damn people were ruthless. I learned very quickly it was a give and take. I started separating my personal life from my business life. I understood that doing this would cause degrees of separation and I was okay with it. I was making money and I was doing what I wanted. I was an extrovert when I started my business, had the ability to confidently go up to anyone and talk to them without a sense of fear in me. I became heartless because it covered up my flaws. I could no longer hear what people had to say because I had become so painfully brutal with my own words. When people asked me for advice, if you weren’t anyone I cared for, I would tell them I don’t care so my advice wouldn’t work. I learned to wear a mask. Eventually I forgot I even had it on.

I won’t dive too deep into my career with this post, it was over a span of a decade so there’s quite a bit. What I’ve written probably is only about 5% of the story and journey. I just wanted to get to the point as not to drag out the post. I’ll dedicate another blog post strictly for my career.

So yes, I went from being a CEO to a Custodian. One of the greatest decision’s I had ever made for my life. This doesn’t mean I gave up on my dreams. I chase my dreams every day while balancing a full time job but at the end of the day, its just that, my dreams. I had lost track over the years of what my dreams were. The obligation to make it a job just to prove everyone wrong became an infection that would grow and scar me. I carry those wounds everyday as a reminder of who I was. The journey was horrendous, the moments were beautiful, the memories are painful but serendipity has it’s way of finding us in the toughest times.

Being a custodian has given me back genuine interaction. Has taught me to see what I had lost so many years ago… a sense of humanity with my thoughts. It’s allowed for me to be a lot more honest with my creative passions. It amazes me that I’m even blogging. Before I started this job as a custodian, I made my wife promise me something, that no matter what don’t let me get comfortable. Don’t let me get comfortable with this job because if I do, I’ll have given up on the life, 15 year old me wanted and still wants.

I’m a custodian, and damn proud of it. I love what I do and by doing it, have learned so much about myself again. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I am in the best shape I’ve been in. I’ve became more active and been going to therapy consistently for a year. All this doesn’t mean it stops here. I was a CEO who turned to a custodian BUT I’ll be back very soon. Maybe as something completely different but I’ll be back soon.