Serendipity

How are you all doing? It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and worked on this blog, not because I forgot but rather, it’s been a tough thing to look at. This blog is a diary, some of the deepest parts of my life lie deep within these pages. It’s a reflection of a man in his 30’s, making peace with his earlier life and mistakes.

I’ve gone back to read some of my earlier post and what I’ve come to understand is, I was much more broken than I thought. I understand myself, and with that understanding also comes the realization that maybe what I understand is what I’ve allowed for my consciousness to see. These writings and post all come from a deeper subconsciousness. A place where my conscious is too scared to wander. It’s understandable. The value I have over others has always undermined the value I have for myself. I’ve done that for so long that now that I’m in my early 30’s its actually become an issue that I’ve had to work on. Therapy and writing have become a way for me to dive deep into my subconscious and confront some of these thoughts.

I hate people because its easier than loving and being disappointed. Those who are close to me understand this about me. For those in my life that I give my heart to know that I left no part with myself. They hold the entirety of my heart and what is left is just a man who is lost as time goes by.

I wrote this today to show all of you that no one is perfect. No one is going to be 100% everyday. We all have our days. For the most part, I’ve always been great at putting on a mask and pretending but today, I wanted to show you that we are all human. Flawed and far from perfection. We will never know about life until it’s already much too late. Keep fighting and learning. Keep growing and learn to love yourself.