Serendipity

Life has been complicated, to say the least. Lately, I find myself in an unmotivated and lethargic state. This overwhelming feeling of “what next” is what I face from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. When I’m up, I’m physically and mentally exhausted, but I can’t sleep either.

Usually, I wouldn’t know why I feel this way, but this time I do. It’s for the best reason. The one reason I should be the happiest… so why am I struggling so hard?

I’ve spent most of my adult life caring for others. While some might call it sacrifice, I see it as creating a happy space for those I love. To me, there’s no such thing as sacrifice or wasted energy. My career was driven by the desire to provide the best I could for them, and for ten years, it became routine. I’ve been in therapy for years now, and it’s still a conversation that I can’t seem to grasp. Logically, I understand why, but emotionally, it’s a different story. A constant battle that mentally drains my being.

For 10 years, I watched them grow up and become the people they are now—so independent and strong. I watch with so much pride and joy. Their accomplishments feel like my own. I am no longer needed in the same way, but I stand by their side at all times because that’s what we do when we love someone.

For the first time in a long while, my life is mine alone. I’ve had to learn to accept that they are grown adults now. I can watch and stand by their side, but I must also let them live and make mistakes. They’ll come to me when they need me, and I can reassure them of my love, but this life is theirs to conquer.

Now, I’m trying to figure out how to live my life again. I’m grasping at anything that will help me move forward. In time, I think I’ll figure it out, but for now, I’m stuck. This is a normal part of life. I think most parents go through this as they watch their kids grow up and leave the nest. It’s a moment to be proud of, a moment where we can say, “They’ve grown up and don’t need me the same way, but I’m so proud of how strong they’ve become.”

As I navigate this new chapter, I’m learning that life’s transitions can be both beautiful and challenging. It’s okay to feel stuck sometimes; it’s a part of growth. I may not have all the answers right now, but I trust that in time, I’ll find my way. I’m proud of the people I’ve helped shape, and now it’s time for me to reshape my own life. One step at a time, I’ll rediscover what brings me joy and purpose, and I’ll be okay—because that’s what growth feels like.