Serendipity

The hardest part about accountability is admitting the faults that were my own.

There was a time where accountability felt optional. Maybe to all of us, at some point, it’s just a word we don’t fully understand.

But when my life became more than just mine, when I learned to love and care, I understood something different.

My actions don’t only hurt me.
They hurt the people I love.

That’s when accountability becomes a double-edged knife.

You learn to control your emotions.
Your thoughts.
Your movements.

I carry weight that will live with me forever. Maybe to them it wasn’t as heavy as it was to me, but I saw the carelessness. I saw the immaturity. And I hold onto that memory so I never become that version again.

I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I don’t lose control.

Not because I’m strong.

Because the girls I love, my wife and her sisters, deserve stability. I’ve seen what alcohol and drugs can unlock in people. The rage. The stupidity. The chaos.

For them, I will never lose that control.

I lost control once.

And I saw the look in their eyes.

Not fear of the world.

Fear of me.

I never want to see the look of “He’s a monster” ever again.

There will always be a better way.
A calmer way.

Everything in life stems from something before it. And I will carry that knowledge in my heart.

I will always love and protect you.

But I’ve learned something important:

Fire doesn’t just burn the enemy.
It burns everyone close to it.

I love you girls.
I will always do better.
I will never stop fighting for you.