Serendipity

“Am I enough?”

A question asked universally by everyone throughout life. We ask this question subconsciously as babies and throughout childhood. The need to be loved and wanted. “Am I enough?” Then as we develop into teens and young adults, the discovery of a world beyond our own makes us question our validity. We start to question our purpose, to question life, the very thing that has no answers. “Am I enough?” We become adults in a world thats ever changing, a world that has become difficult to understand. At some point in life we become lost during this journey, and the question of “Am I enough?” slowly shapes into hopelessness. Where silence used to speak, our lack of faith speaks louder.

I was born with a badge of honour. I think most are. This badge comes from generations before us who have conquered feats that become tall tales. Tales of war, tales of suffering, tales that many only see through the screens or books. These tales became expectations and expectation became rebellion. What should’ve been motivation became disappointment. I started to ask myself very early on in life, “Am I enough?” I come from a proud lineage. My brothers and sisters led with examples. Academically surpassing anything I could ever do. Resilient in ways I could never be. I slowly caved to the question of “Am I enough?”, and to that I answered “How can I be?” I was a disappointment so I led my life selfishly in hopes of finding a new badge to wear. I would eventually find a new purpose that filled my void. I needed to create a space where I felt safe and fit in. I ventured into this world discovering so much of it through failure. Pain and failure were my friends.

At 22, I would be faced with a life changing experience. Someone I came to love, came to look to as a father figure, someone who taught me about life and its perspectives passed away. I was faced with this question of “Am I enough?” and this time the answer I had would change the trajectory of my life in ways I couldn’t have even imagined. This time the answer wasn’t “How can I be”, it had become “I have to be”. So much changed for the better and the worse. We do not know what the future holds but what I do know is “Am I enough?” is still a question I fight with till this day.

There will never be a long lasting moment of feeling like we are enough but we need to trust that we are strong enough to continue fighting. Even in times of weakness a glimmer of hope can be found. For if there is hope there is strength and if there is strength, there is a will to survive. “Are you enough?” “Yes you are, we all travel on this journey of life. For some it is a much darker path then others but you have gotten as far as you already have. You are enough, you always have been. That is why you’ve allowed yourself to look for an answer. Whether that was here or somewhere else in your life. I am proud of each and everyone of you. You are enough.